Romance Scams

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Romance Scams

In our lonely times, we turn to social media to lessen the burden of being alone, and perhaps even find true love. We develop an attachment with someone we met, acting on the human need to find connection. We offer our trust. It all moves so smoothly. But instead of finding love, we find a smooth-talking scammer with a nice fake picture who "needs" money for a situation that will tug at our heart strings. According to government statistics, scammers are getting away with it. What’s a lonely person to do when a romantic interest can sound so sincere and convincing?

What are romance scams?

A romance scam is a confidence trick in which a criminal fakes a romantic interest in a person in order to develop an attachment for the purpose of requesting or demanding money. Scammers aim to develop connection and rapport before they sink their teeth in. That makes it easier to sell their lies. They usually do this quickly so they can move on to the next victim. Some might spend months if the potential take is especially juicy (this is called a pig butchering scam). They appeal to our better instincts to be good people and help others in need.

According to the Federal Trade Commission, romance scams cost hundreds of millions of dollars per year. The number may be higher because many people are too embarrassed to admit they were duped. These scams go back thousands of years; the Internet has just made it easier for them.

Older people are common targets because they usually have more assets, such as investments or retirement accounts. People who are less emotionally skilled are also particularly vulnerable.

How do they work? What are the signs?

Romance scams can be difficult to see and get out of because they involve deep-seated feelings of connection, which can muddle our decision-making process. Scammers’ approaches can be very subtle and ambiguous enough that their intentions are hard to identify. If you know the signs in advance (they are similar to those of other scams), you may find it easier to avoid the snare:

• They work quickly to establish a relationship and gain your trust.
• They often claim to be outside the United States.
• They claim to be working on a worthwhile project, such as a charity, medical care for children, or with an international medical organization. They may also claim to be in an emergency situation. These scams prey on our compassion and empathy.
• They want your bank account information or other financial information.
• They make demands for money.
• They claim to be working in construction, the oil industry, or in the military.
• They claim to "need" money for a plane ticket for needed medical or other expenses, or for customs fees, for various travel documents, or for large debts of various kinds.
• They are promoting some hot new investment idea. They may even send you legitimate-looking statements.
• They might actually meet you in person, but they will likely continue the charade there.

Scammers will ask you to pay by wiring money or purchasing gift cards.

How to avoid them

Here are some things to keep in mind:

• Don’t let yourself be rushed into making any decision. Take things slowly.
• Don’t transfer money to someone you only know online or over the phone.
• If your friends or family express concern about your new love interest, consider listening to them.
• Be wary if the person quickly asks you to move to a different communication platform.
• Be wary if the person wants financial information from you.
• Avoid anyone who wants to isolate you.
• Do a reverse image search of the person’s profile image. It might be in use elsewhere in a scam.
• Be careful about the information and pictures you post online.
• One option, however impolite it may be, is to simply ghost the person and cut off all contact immediately.

Report them

If you are swindled, all might not be lost. You can report the person to various authorities:

• Contact your bank if you have sent money.
• Contact the dating site.
• Contact the FTC’s fraud reporting site at reportfraud.ftc.gov.
• Contact the FBI at ic3.gov.

Keep these tips in mind, and don’t lose hope for finding a great partner!